Stepping down from my little soapbox and back to my life's challenges. I do know how fortunate I am to have helpers at this time of my life. The thing that is hard for me is to ask for help. I have always been able to stand on my own two feet with the help that was always here. Times are different. People have asked me if I'm lonely. No, I'm not lonely, I'm just a bit frustrated. It is the small stuff that gets to me like changing a light bulb or reaching for something and forgetting that I cannot reach now - at least not with my right arm.
Another issue came last Thursday and it is really a rough one. I have a young woman new neighbor (around mid 40's) who picks up my laundry every two weeks and is thorough and dependable. She brings it back the next day and goes home. She works from home. Due to Covid issues, we have yet to sit down and have a real conversation. Coincidentally her parents are the folks who bought my car. They have an Alpaca Farm fairly nearby but I never met them. All I know is that their daughter and her husband are really pleasant neighbors and help me with my laundry. This week she called and told me her father just died and she wouldn't be able to pick up this week, but could maybe do it on Sunday. My immediate reaction was sad shock, with no hugs, no shared tears to give her some comfort. I told her I would get someone to fill in.
The first person I called was my friend who does my grocery shopping and takes me with her when the weather is good. Well... both she and her husband have colds so that option was out. Then I remembered that the fellow who does my yard, summer and winter, has a wife who has often commented that I should call her if I need something. Now get this! This couple are both local school teachers and have a blended family of five teenagers! I did call. He picked it up today. Their daughter is having friends over (I think he said 16 of them!) to celebrate her 16th birthday tonight. It's an overnighter! YET...his wife is going to do my laundry!!!
My daughter is another of my helpers and takes me to appointments and brings me home-cooked dishes. She has her family and physical disabilities too. I try to not ask her for much.
I feel soooooooo guilty. Soooooooo selfish. I have no problem sharing and giving but sure do have a big-time complication when it comes to receiving. Yes, I'm thankful but it is very hard to accept such kindness. It bothers me and makes me feel like a beggar.
I know, I know...with all that is going on in the world today this is not important, but to me it is. It has created stress and anxiety. I have to get over it and just be very thankful for my helpers. Everyone needs helpers.