I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down your offer to trade Scaroidosis for Ed. Scaroidosis would get under my skin and not respect my space.
I don't want to share Scaroidosis with you either. That's a threesome that would be a sticky and tacky union.
I'm certain that I'd never steal him. You would just let me keep him and that would be no fun at all. I'd be out of breath all of the time!
If you had Ben (Gay) instead, I'd grab him in a minute. He'd be good to take to bed with me. Arthur (Rtis) is a "no-no" because he hurt me before and he always took me from joint to joint. Charley (Horse) makes me get up and go when I don't feel like it. Will (Power) would cramp my style and Johnny is cold right to the bottom. Al (Zymer) is always flirting with me and my other friends.
So you see, I guess I don't really want any companion anymore; especially one that causes me to have lumps and bumps. He sounds like a brutal and difficult cohabitant and besides, his feet are too big.
Please forgive me for my selfishness, but your generosity is well thought-out and very diplomatic as well. Oh, and cruel!
Your true friend, Gere
Note: (The bit about Ben, Arthur, Charley, Will, Johnny and Al has been taken from the experience of others, so no credit can be given here.)